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Catacombs

from The Amateur by Audrey Mills

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lyrics

INTRO:
The shadow-double of my heart that beats almost in time
Is moth-eaten and oft-forgot and barely even mine
It holds the ghost of love once felt, the memory of touch, the kisses once electric clanking in their coats of rust
Between the hearts there lies a path walked only by a few
I walk upon it sometimes, and now I walk with you
The color’s fading from your cheeks, I wonder if you know
About the heart of no return with veins of catacombs

CHORUS:
I just can’t see you in my catacombs
(I just can’t see, I just can’t see)
I don’t know if you’d like it there
(I don’t know if you’d like it there)
The way my empty gaze would slip right past you
(Slip right past you)
The way I’d be so sure to never stare
(I’d be so sure to never stare)
But my friend I think I’ve got it backwards
(Backwards it got I’ve think I)
I think I’m scared you’d be at peace
(You’d be at peace)
That you’d feel right at home among the cobwebs
And that you’d say you never want to leave

VERSE 1:
I know that you’re probably doing fine
And I know that it’s okay that I’m not
But it still hurts to see the cloud above my head
That appears in every mirror, follows wherever I walk
I feel the grass turn brown beneath my feet
The constant bitter taste within my mouth
The downcast eyes of everyone I meet
The breaking glass, the brewing storm, the power going out

CHORUS:
I just can’t see you in my catacombs
(I just can’t see, I just can’t see)
I don’t know if you’d like it there
(I don’t know if you’d like it there)
The way my empty gaze would slip right past you
(Slip right past you)
The way I’d be so sure to never stare
(I’d be so sure to never stare)
But my friend I think I’ve got it backwards
(Backwards it got I’ve think I)
I think I’m scared you’d be at peace
(You’d be at peace)
That you’d feel right at home among the cobwebs
And that you’d say you never want to leave

VERSE 2:
This is supposed to be my big facade
My show of strength my wide, unbothered smile
But I don’t care much for that coup de grace
If I’m feeling weak, I’ll show it, and I’ve felt weak for a while
And I can feel the strength as it floods in
The static in my fingers as they warm
The readiness to talk to you again
But devoid of any layers of mist I saw you through before

BRIDGE:
All I could do was all I could do
Even when I thought only of you
All I could feel was what wasn’t right
All I could say was hollow and trite
All I could see was somewhat obscured
By what I sought and what I ignored
All I could hear was the sound of my voice
All that I know is that I had no choice

CHORUS:
I just can’t see you in my catacombs
(I just can’t see, I just can’t see)
I don’t know if you’d like it there
(I don’t know if you’d like it there)
The way my empty gaze would slip right past you
(Slip right past you)
The way I’d be so sure to never stare
(I’d be so sure to never stare)
But my friend I think I’ve got it backwards
(Backwards it got I’ve think I)
I think I’m scared you’d be at peace
(You’d be at peace)
That you’d feel right at home among the cobwebs
And that you’d say you never want to leave

credits

from The Amateur, released August 10, 2020

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about

Audrey Mills Houston, Texas

I am a very sexy and cool and professional pop star who definitely didn’t record this album in a closet!

All proceeds go to Mutual Aid Houston. Help me meet my goal of $500+ in donations!

Contact me at amills@wesleyan.edu or @audrealism on Instagram :)
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